yeah, so. things did not work out very well.

I'm holding out hope, but obviously it can only go so far. my heart feels like it has a giant hole in.

tomorrow, I am calling and making an appointment to start getting help. this has to end.

I want him to come back so bad... I hope if I try hard enough, he'll give me a second chance.

I'm worried. there is a potential situation that would be Very Bad that seems to be a big possibility at the moment and I am very very scared.

but more than that, at the moment I am super-hungry, but too lazy to make food. and besides, I feel a bit yucky, so I don't particularly want to eat at the moment anyway. despite the fact that I clearly need to. low blood sugar helps nothing. the only food that sounds appetizing in the least though is food that comes from a restaurant, and I am definitely not going to go out to eat tonight, mainly because I don't feel like driving and also because I don't need to spend money on that right now.

but UGH... I just want the end of the week to be here, now, please. also I'm so tired. bleh.

argh. I borked my WoW install and I'm quite annoyed about it. naturally, I broke it trying to fix something else that if I had just waited a day would have been fixed by the patch Blizzard put out yesterday. so the way I had tried to fix it actually kept me from getting the patch, which meant I couldn't play the game at all. sooo I decided to reinstall, but apparently I never deleted the cached installation files from the first time I downloaded it, so it reinstalled from those and for some reason refused to patch up. SO I went back and deleted those and am now redownloading and reinstalling completely. if that doesn't work, I'm honestly thinking about dumping everything important from my laptop onto my external hard drive (which seriously needs some organization, btw; that might be a holiday project) and wiping it. I've been wanting to split the drive more evenly between the two partitions anyway because my Windows partition is TINY and I'm forever running out of space on it. sigh.

I really don't feel very good. I seriously hope I'm not getting sick, because while Keni is a great guy, nurturing is totally not his thing and I'm pretty sure would have to take care of myself if I was sick. which is just no fun. and besides, I have to do school work and work work and I'm really relying on both and actually managing to do well so far this semester, so I can't afford a wrench in the gears right now. ugh. but my nose is all stuffed up, and naturally I can't get any Sudafed without jumping through a billion hoops, so I think I might be heading down the road of a sinus infection. PLEASE NO. I can't deal with that right now.

Keni did not win at the tournament yesterday :( he was pretty bummed about it. I bet it was because he didn't have his hat!

ugh. I always get so super-emotional like ONE WEEK EXACTLY before my period. it never fails, precisely seven days beforehand I will become this horrid emotional wreck. it's like someone just flips a switch in my brain, and suddenly, bam. it's a nice predictor when I remember what it is, but if I don't have the presence of mind to say hey, I'm crying over nothing, flying into rages, and becoming manically happy afterwards... must be PMSing, honestly it confuses the hell out of me. sometimes my boyfriend has to remind me, heh. I'm just glad he seems to put up with it. I'm normally somewhat volatile in my emotions - the depression will do that to ya - but catch me on the week before Shark Week and it's like ten times worse. heh.

also, food cravings liek whoa. nothing sounded edible today except Domino's. not the pizza, because their pizza sucks. but definitely the cheese bread, and a pasta. only somehow I managed to leave the sauce off the pasta (I wanted the three-cheese sauce, but forgot to click the bubble) so it wasn't as good as I had hoped it would be, and the cheese bread was a little overcooked. but it was still delicious. I got mushrooms with the pasta, and there was lots of cheese all over it, so it sort of made up for it. and the bread still tasted great, just had a bunch of burnt cheese at the edges I had to pull off. it was a good meal - way too greasy, my stomach is so pissed, lol - but it was good.

now the only thing that sounds good is Coke, though. good thing I have a fridge full of it. I'm so addicted to it now, it's weird. for a while, the only thing I ever wanted to drink was Mountain Dew. (mostly when I was still at MC.) then Vault, then Dr Pepper (though I've always liked that). now, I'm on a serious Coke binge. I just can't get enough. preferably out of cans, but I do have a small budget set aside for buying a bottle at school now and then on the days I'm stuck on campus between classes. it's strange though. for a while I didn't feel like drinking Coke (though I still would) because it didn't seem to have enough flavor. now I like it best again. weird. I'll still drink just about anything though, so long as it isn't grape or diet. I looove Baja Blast, it sucks that only Taco Bell has it, but I love Taco Bell anyway, so who cares :P

Keni is off at a StarCraft II tournament today. I hope he does well. the prizes for first through third place are really pretty good, decent percentages of the pool of registration money. he would be excited about that, plus he'd be happy just to feel good at the game like that. I knit him a hat with a Protoss patch on it, but he didn't get to come home in time to get it for the tournament. that upset me a little. actually after I called him to see if he was going to come get it, I cried a little. (see what I mean? overemotional.) but it's okay. two hours of work, which is just going to be rendered partially useless anyway because this hat is just a stand-in and I'm going to be taking the patch off and putting it on a different hat once the yarn comes in - sure, that's fine :P eh. I'll probably end up wearing the base hat myself, it's pretty cool. it's black with a blue stripe mixed in where the patch goes. I'll probably put some pictures up on the knitblog later. (yeah, just how long do I actually think I'm going to maintain two blogs, lol)

my allergies are bad today too. lame.

wow, poor neglected blog, I forgot all about you! I've been wanting to start blogging more 'publicly' than my LiveJournal again - haha. this seems like a good place.

not much going on in Anna-world lately. I have a good boyfriend, I'm doing much better in school lately, and I'm bringing in a decent amount of money with a job I don't hate. (I'm working online, from home, doing the whole ChaCha thing. it's a lot of fun, I basically get paid to Google stuff for people who are too lazy to do it themselves. also I make pretty decent money doing it, and the best part is, I don't have to go anywhere or interact with crappy managers or stupid customers anymore!! this job is totally perfect for me.) I'm in my third year of Japanese study, which I am still loving; I'm about to change my major to linguistics so I can get a degree in that and go on to study TESOL, hopefully in this program, and I'm actually feeling like I can partially speak the language now. I've finally figured out the best way for me to study kanji, so I'm really excited about the fact that I can read a lot of Japanese too. squee!

crap, I just noticed that there are like three dishes I missed while doing dishes last night. I wish Keni would put his crap back in the kitchen when he's done with it, he totally sucks at keeping things neat around the house. not like I'm that much better, but at least my dishes go back where they're supposed to. oh well.

blah blah blah, blah-dy blah.

one more day of school. for the whole semester.
freak out factor: high.

tomorrow I have exams in German and graphics software, Wednesday I am going home, and then Thursday (I assume) I start working. blah... work. but it will be exciting to see the new equipment. yes indeed... it will.

I'm so bored and hyper. I hate it. I'm also starving. hate that too. but oh well, what can you do, right? well, eat, I guess. but no food~ alas.
which reminds me, I need to defrost my refrigerator. blah!

tonight I went to the snack machine to get a snack... put in my last single dollar bill, pushed some buttons. what I failed to notice was that the selection I'd made had nothing in the first slot - whoever loaded the spiral missed one, I guess. so instead of buying myself tasty food... I bought myself a quarter.

nice.

life is so... boring. o_O; and weird, and stuff...
man, I hope I passed my algebra exam.

BLAH.

Tags: school , work , blah

new title.

I don't know. for some reason I just randomly feel like calling my blog f of g. algebra sucks, but that's the way it is.

school is almost over for the semester. thank goodness. unfortunately, the day after I get out for Christmas break I will probably start working. that's just... not cool... I'm really hoping hard that the really insanely cool guy still works there. I miss him, and I think that he would be the only thing that could possibly make working over the break tolerable.

I mean, it doesn't hurt anything that he's hot. =d

so anyway...
knitting my second sock. that's really a very good thing.
and that's all I can think of to write. so. uh.

yeah.

Tags: school , hot guy at work

waaaaaaah.

my sweetheart left to go gaming. ;-; now, I can't blame him. it's been forever since he has. but I still miss him. ;-; oh well. at least it will give me some extra sleeping time. and he's off tomorrow, and I work early, so maybe we'll see more of each other~ ^_^

I hate work!

what would Jimmy Buffett do?

I felt ucky all day, and just now I realized why: today is my first totally caffiene-free day in a long long while! ack! ;-; I feel quite blah.

mosey on over to i only knit scarves, my knitting blog. =) I posted some new FOs.

I started working... and listening to 'It's Five O'clock Somewhere' by Alan Jackson, I begin to relate again. augh! fortunately there's a really cool new guy working now, and he's fun to talk to. and unlike most people he actually does talk to me. :O gasp! anyway. that's all for now because I'm now bored of blogging. =P

I should be studying.

that's right, I have two of my hardest exams tomorrow, Western Civ and fitness for life, and what am I doing? knitting, blogging, reading knitblogs, reading a book, scheming up fanfiction and wishing there was still a working MUD for said book, and craving food. I need salt desperately. I crave teriyaki beef jerky. but alas, the stuff in the caf tonight is going to be positively disgusting. looks like it's another pasta and salad night.

in other news, sock the first is almost done. I told myself I'd start studying after it was finished. so naturally I'm lazing about doing nothing. I love how my brain works... heh.

bleh.

well, I got to sleep until 11 today. that was a rare treat. but I don't wanna go to western civ in the rain! even though it is our last class meeting... I just don't want to do it. I will though... kinda have to. tomorrow I also get to sleep until like 10:30. I love dead days before exams. =) no classes, or at least few classes, and knowing that school's almost up...

well, that means I also have to pack up, and you'd be amused at the progress I've made, which is none. basically, I cleaned my mirror, took everything off the tack strip, and packed up my printer and a few boxes of papers. that's it. I'm really on a roll here, aren't I? today I think I'm going to put on some rockin' music, pull out all the boxes I can find, and pack that sucker up. except for the necessary stuff of course. but yeah.

next year I'm going to be living in such a great dorm. ^_^ can't wait. only thing is it's smaller than my current room, so I'm going to have to prevent half of my stuff from travelling back to it as it did this year. however, the dorm I'm living in next year has an elevator. yay! so even though I'm gonna live on the fifth floor... well, that's just fine and dandy. =)

I found my watch in my pocket last night. all resumes being well.

sob story

last night's ST meeting was so sad. all the seniors were sharing these great stories and it made me want to have been there so bad. but then I thought, I will be there someday, doing things that I can share stories about when I'm a senior and I have to face leaving all my sisters. anyway, we all cried. lots. and then we went and had a pizza party. Christina told Blake why we were having the party, which was because we had won the blood drive, and then she asked if he had donated blood, and when he said no, she took his pizza away and said he wasn't supposed to have any then. and the poor boy believed her. ^_^;; well, hey, there's a story. now I just have to hope that I get to talk about Blake at Beau Appreciation sometime because I want to tell that story. we heard some really funny stories about all the beaux last night, and about the seniors... well, it was a really good time. I didn't know Swannanoa used to be the owls. ^_^; that's kind of weird. but I much prefer bunnies. there was a photoshopped picture of an owl with bunny features. it was great.

yep.

it's the end of the semester as we know it

today was the last class meeting of New Testament (can we say 'yay?' that class was very interesting, but the prof kept us the WHOLE TIME every single time!). a week from today, final exams start. the semester is almost over! thank goodness.

however, that means that I'll have to move ALL my stuff back home, I'll be losing my grant because my GPA is almost assuredly not high enough, and I'll have to start my summer job. impending doom, anyone? oh well. next semester will come quickly, I'm sure, and next semester is gonna rock. as far as I know, it's my last semester of core, and I'm even taking two classes that are for my major (and one that also counts for my minor)! in case you're wondering what those are, I'm a mass comm major and a graphic design minor. exciting. very much emphasis on the linguistic and visual and not quite as much on the logical, although I know that design involves some logic and math for the spatial aspects. well, I'll deal.

next semester I'm also taking karate. and the semester following it as well. I always wanted to take karate. hooray.

ah, a breath of fresh air.

it's so nice to be, you know, somewhere that I don't have a HUMONGOUS banner ad smushing me. I love greymatter... but that'll just have to wait until I can actually get a domain of my own and won't have to bother with ads.

I really did want to keep schwa over on my greymatter site (I WILL NOT link the host I was using, simply because I wouldn't wish that on anyone) but I just couldn't do it. after looking at all the knitblogs people have on Blogger, and seeing how much Blogger had changed since I first used it (which was when it was HARD to use), I figured it really couldn't be that bad and decided to come back to it. I may be moving i only knit scarves over here at some point, we'll have to see how it goes. anyway... hi. =)